Well folks, it’s about that time. My friend graciously provided me with an amazing pumpkin pie recipe we learned in our high school cooking class last year. It is allegedly derived from a traditional scandinavian recipe passed down from our cooking teacher’s grandmother. I thought i’d put it here for my future reference, and for your personal perusal.

Also, if anybody can make a vegan version of this or can at least provide vegan alternatives to components of the recipe, message me about it. It’d be nice to make some for my dietarily restricted friends.

#PumpkinPie:

Pie Crust:

• 2 cups sifted flour
• 2/3 cup Crisco or scandinavian bear fat (if you’ve managed to somehow kill a bear and get the fat from its body)
• ½ tsp salt
• add ½ cup cold milk last
• Mix all in bowl, knead until you get malleable pie crust dough.

Pie filling:

In a mixing bowl…

• Beat 4 eggs
• Add 2 heaping cups of Libby’s pumpkin (or pureed pumpkin of your own)
• 2 cups milk
• 2/3 cups carnation canned milk
• 1 cup of sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 5 tsp pumpkin spice

In that order.

Oven: Preheat that bitch to 450 F.

Get a pie tin. Roll out a piece of pie crust dough slightly larger in diameter than the pie tin to fully cover the slanted sides of the pie tin. Once in the pie tin and properly shaped, pinch the edges of the pie crust into a pattern of your choice so your crust looks very based.

Pour pie filling up to just below the pattern. Pull out oven rack about halfway out, carefully place the pie on the oven rack, then gently push the oven rack back in. This is to prevent spilling (spillage?) of the pie filling. Bake at 450 F for 5 minutes, then turn the temperature down to 325 F and wait about 35 minutes, or however long it takes for the middle of the pie to stop shaking if you touch it. 

Remove pie from oven, top with whipped cream, ice cream, soy sauce, sauerkraut, etc. etc.

Enjoy, and remember to thank the Based God for this very #based and classical pumpkin pie.